My Untold Words

"My Untold Words" marks the beginning of my exploration into self-censorship. This project revisits moments of significant silence in my life, intensified by my migration to Canada. As a full-time student juggling two part-time jobs and striving to regain my previous social and professional status, I was under immense pressure. This relentless pursuit took a toll on my mental health, which I only realized after a small accident.

The death of my goldfish, a symbol of vitality in Persian culture, the night before the Persian New Year in 2009, served as a poignant reminder of the loved ones and life I left behind. This incident highlighted the emotional cost of my migration, symbolized by the image of the dead goldfish, which I framed and kept as a constant reminder.

Determined to delve deeper into my self-censorship, I revisited family photos, cutting out my face from each to create a series of self-portraits that only I could truly understand. These portraits represented untold stories and emotions from different stages of my life. I wrote letters expressing these unsaid words, then cut them into indistinct pieces, symbolizing the distilled essence of suppressed feelings.

I mounted these components—portraits, letters, and the goldfish image—on a large mirror, using pins and corkboard. The mirror reflected my fragmented self, reminding me of the lingering effects of self-censorship. The corkboard symbolized the daily practice of self-censorship, with the pins leaving traces even when removed.

The project's format, inspired by Alfredo Jaar’s "The Geometry of Conscience," underscores the repetitive nature of self-censorship and its lasting impact. "My Untold Words" opened my eyes to the interplay between migration and self-censorship, revealing how these experiences can lead to depression. This work continues to influence my art, with mirrors becoming a recurring element in my exploration of self-censorship.